Explaining The Teenanger

My random postings on youth, as started a few years ago with the poem Adolessons and recently has been motivated by a few things. I am currently working on researching and writing about teens in America. I work with youth in the ministry context but I want to raise awareness of teen issues with writing and with video. My reflection thus far are about me trying to figure out and understand the youth that I see all the time while also reflecting on my own childhood as well. So, just giving you the heads up.

 

Children Of Innocence

Children Of Innocence calling out to me,

Projects of workmanship has my sportsmanship,

Been playing the game all my life called understanding,

How could you be good and allow this instead, misunderstood

Me and life of adolescence is weighing me instead, some more

Seroquel to keep me awake no more, been sleeping in more

Now that I don’t grow anymore, but the shores call out to me,

Baby in my arms teaching me to see life anew, how the little

Sister hasn’t been spoken for yet, for I am not grown yet,

Little Barbie dolls once those young girls were now prom

Night has kicked in and she’s been taken and claimed and

Named something else with a man that can’t love her well,

Innocence in those aisles in Orange town had me rethinking

Her destiny because she got rid of it you see and now its all

Gone now, youth are meant to teach us to not grow old,

To stay young forever, you said it mister Hine we ain’t got

Much more time, for rebels come and go, women change

With an aferlglow and aftertaste on sunny lit days, all that

Was once misunderstood now has legs and arms and

Brains and hearts on their own bleeding past us all,

Now I can’t keep it up on twitter and all I want is to

Be together with the children of innocence going by

To fast, like those little ones not so little now, let us strive

To love and not to understand all things

 

Best Years

Your highlights in your hair make me want to swear it will never be again but

Solely my trust has been displaced again, at the end of the rainbow I’ve been waiting

For highschool crushes to wear off, cause those days were a big fuss and all the

Father wounds from the past they just rise up again over the ocean tide again

And all my enemies seem good enough but throwaway there lives again because

Daddy didn’t stop them, for identity is what we are all looking for and that man

In the rocking chair has something to say over the design of my hair and I swear

The highlights of the past run deep to eternity past, and they glisten and listen inside

The sound of eternal rejection, for fatherless America has to come clean and do

The hard time, family isn’t hostility unless the man runs empty, poverty in

The pauper produces and prince over the city, held for such a time and purpose

As this indeed is where the past is gone and the future lay ahold of me, the

Teen turns to a tween and time keep beating on, for me to continue to carry

On like this it will go on, the time inside of the slipstream and I will beat on

As this heart goes so I will go with it but books are waiting opened for me now

And I will carry on now, past the past and past highlights of what I was, all

I have is what I will become, lying down now in eternity past, ready for the

Best years of my life now

 

Throwaway Time

Real reflection that I will later write about.

In the basement, facing the pavement,

Out of here you said, runaway no more but I had already

Hit the floor, demons to the bedroom, pillows uproar in zoom,

Days of sleeping did persist and days of questioning did come in,

All I ever wanted was freedom, all you ever said was I wasn’t good enough

Anyway, friendship did slip in those days and pain did come on the ocean

Tide days, thoughts of you did slip my my toes in the cover of the ocean

Tides, change was easy in 08 when you planned my getaway, bags always

Did accompany 435 north and deplored and explored did it get, Ambian

Just wasn’t enough then and Valium was overrated anyway, the party

Drug did get you into the club but matter of fact the most painful

Days were those of sleeplessness with the sound of fatherlessness

Down the stairs and shouts and yells as I pondered life’s purpose

Up there, then to the east it was settled, poor and disheveled was

I, but living without Christ was the worst kind of medicine, the ones

That could control the ambivalence, shoes to ensue me some more,

For it’s been to much running away now, and yeast settled in off

The 435 and I was home again with new weapons and new medicines

Bringing me in, the dawn of a new coming and the return of all

My best friends, for getting away was never that way, returning is

What I feel like I am always doing, facing poverty removes the pride

And hostility

 

28 Cents Later

Penniless and harmless it seems, my last 28 cents went to the redbox

In stock and in lock stock fashion, she wasted my time and called out

Upon the shores of wisdom’s house, beckoning that I waste my time with

The perverted arts again, seemed like sure fire manipulation and scandalous

Seduction, but it seems these days I’m running out of options, the swiss army

Romance only lasted for some months then winter came then you never

Were the same anyway, then I was wasted away on self medication trying to

Change direction and dedication but soon it will be over and my 28 cents

Will be washed over and accounted upon on receipt tape and shouted at

The gate, come in Son and crossover, here are the books of records for

Your life of intentions and judgment has come and opened me up again,

All the lights on, no more living in the dark, it hit the spark and red to me

Kindly on my kindle light and read me the pages of my moments of poverty

In this life and death comes quick and has no book on this but do I want to

Live away wasted away for me, no I’d rather make an impact and live under

The influence, 10 years later, still serving the gray chairs and still decked out

With wheat and tares, in between me I live for me and that’s exactly what He

Is correcting inside of me, this is just a test but soon its time to stand and that

Moment will be hard to understand

 

Crash

My car never actually crashed. This is just a what if.

 

In the cool of the night you set me right upside again

Are those airwaves caving in, finally now? But down I went

In the foggy road where I was almost unseen, then another

Swerve and curve ahead, his voice instead spoke of thunder

And lightning and proved smoldering over me again, for fire

Has slid into this car ride again and the burn from 06 came in

With the torrents of the night and set me right again, the judgment

Sought me in and His words did express the gift of everything offered

Onto me, for lately I’ve been without this hidden humility and its been

Going down without me, life on my own without a home inside the

Holy zone where judgment soon will hit and empty out my house

And dvd’s on repeat, the sermon on the mount beating inside

Of my chest and past shame and regret hidden past the waves

Of my own control, for the car did crash hard tonight, brakes

A bust and trust and must as the tree did cut the car in half

And I was blown up again in need of siren patrol and uncertain

Eternal control, for now all I can do is press delete upon an

Accident that will soon not become that, when I heap upon

Myself this sudden realization that its going down whether I live

For myself or not but goals to achieve and succeed inside of me

Seek inside of me to reach for that day when it will all matter

What I do with precious time, let that be the current disaster

 

Abduction

The Adduction

Weaving and speeding in and out of traffic modern pleasure

Seeking persists, levels of dopamine in check, serotonin levels

Good to go from the get go, black tv screen feeling serene and I

Am nothing but unclean these days, wasting my night in traffic

Behind red light districts in another place, not for me now but

So easily somehow what is the difference, time abducted from

Me and afforded to me, squander the prosac cause there’s no going

Back the new medicine has clicked in me again, I am here wasting

Away again at the newest action flick and imdb pick, here I go

Now into the dark only to abduct from the one that doesn’t

Reluctantly love me but cares for my wasted time that I would

Be with Him all the time, and ice skating away in this frozen

Place has created some space, for him to see again that I love

Again but Lord help me in my wasted getaways that I look at

You in the midst, youth is the most unfaithful mistress and those

Days of adoleessons are learned and gone from me, I can’t

Stop and shut down now, cause your voice is louder now

And all I can see in front of me is who I will be in front

Of you on that day when movies and such get burned in a

Rush and the Lake of fire burns with those who wasted their

Lives on nights spent like this, living for selfish gain and reasons

Wrong in the brain, help me succeed before you sir take all of

Me

 

Impact

Perpetual conflict like I see in the movies, getting to me gritty is the hostage tha

Holds me, Stockholm syndrome to the Nobel Peace Prize, to my surprise I’ve been

Living for myself wasting away and wasting time, all I got is you on my mind

And now together again we are again renewed and glued you have me in for it,

To take you at your word and believe in the impact

Never have I felt so alive and never have I felt so alone, up against and back against

The wall, that day back when when Ender did save us all, blame yourself for getting

Up on yourself, if God is so good then I would be writing a different poem

Without pain or suffering or things that keep me not sleeping, insomnia eyes

And 150,000 die each day, wasting away and the earth cracks and all you get is

One chance to be able to be a good dad again and forget of the abandonment within,

Human condition the first condition I can’t explain away, the first kind of problem

I can’t solve anyway, resolution rings in weakness but all the strong are taking

Up the space for the secret place, all the weak have left the building and all the smart

Have regressed the starting line, here I am positive I am waiting for mine,

Saved and slaved one day but light has been but pain has crept in and renewed me

Again, subtle desperation mixed with a little bit of suffering has only produced

Eternal waiting for the day when it will be expunged and done with, the great

Purge of His surge and thunder from above as it cracks like lightning and we all

Become new again, I am waiting for loss to matter and for pain to make sense

That the way of death is the way of life and eternity defines me now where I am

Alive now not understanding but wholly turning now praying in anticipation, that

A life of prayer and a life of impact are in the same reverberation and that will

Change the condition, forever

 

Women Are Smart And Men Are Dumb…in movies

Ha! One of those controversial feministic posts. NOT!! No, recently, I have been noticing a diabolical pattern in movies. It seems like the man never has it together. Or the boy-man is reverting to childish or puerile(my new fav. word) ways and the women are always rolling their eyes saying that it isn’t good enough for the man to be that way.

Meanwhile, the girl is together, focused, has goals and is looking around nervously like Cinderella waiting for Superman to come to the rescue. And since it changes each film you can imagine whoever you want to be superman.

The guy is successful but only by the means of evil ploying and oppression. James Bond is together but lives uprooting himself all the time and from women to women. You would never see modern family meets Bond and he  marries and has children.

This is not a thought through post. I am merely just pontificating(also a new fav. word) about this dynamic in film. Men are dumb and women are smart..in movies, that is.

So, take the rom com and the action man and the swirly butterflies you get when you look at Marky Mark and think about what I am saying.

That’s all folks!

 

Fastlane

Been thinking that I’ve been driving to fast past His voice and into my own ways.

Hopeless romantic

Feeling pedantic and by the book and rules to keep me safe

For safety is what I’ve been looking for all the more in the world

Ready to explore but the seatbelt has been busting and I’ve been

Rusting like a car on the fastlane I’ve been going insane, sleeping with

All lights on and staying up to late trying to remake the past and the tv displays

Keeping my eyes awake, inside skateland again when I was a kid and got away

With that kind of getaway, skating has always come easy, days of hockey behind

Me, dad in the stands clapping both hands but this sport’s car ride is a bust and

Gears 5 strong linger long and revolutions per minute guide me to fast, seatbelt

Off and blinker fluid empty for these days of confusion are taking placement, to

Long its been since I’ve heard from you again, to long have I been inside the

Disease of my own desires and dreams, America is for freedom now,

Man up now and be the father you are always looking for, getting away

Is easy in the fastlane, McDonald’s life is ruining me and my friends and

Our relationships, to fast is where I’ve been living, past the Holy and around

The throne, I am on my own has awakened the groan no one really wants to

Be alone but how fast do I exist like a smile behind the wheel that I’m as fast

As hell and that’s where the world is going and the tow truck towing, bound and

Around to the ground, AAA down, no sight of an upside down frown, but Lord

You must slow me down now for life past you isn’t worth breaking curfew, to

Late has it been and to long will it be before I sit down and get next to you

Again, listening slowly with my car wreck life before you, ready to be fixed and

Renewed and filled with oil again like a bad checkup, Lord I need a tune up,

To trust again inside the world as it passes me fastly, let me burn greatly

For what is on your mind